Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
