yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We have started to decorate penises.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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