You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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