Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize