Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
