if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
