I am puke
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
