...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize