You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
why is half of my head shaved?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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