so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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