I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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