I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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