nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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