Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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