I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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