just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
