My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
