all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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