last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
