My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
