Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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