you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
