I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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