Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
