remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
