He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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