Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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