I accidentally had phone sex last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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