There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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