im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
