you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
should my penis look like a turkey
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
