but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
