White coat. Heels.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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