his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
