In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
