Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
