I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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