Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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