I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
