I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Someone shit on the floor
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
