I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
