I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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