I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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