if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so explain again why im purple
no
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
