I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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