I accidentally had phone sex last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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