She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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