Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
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I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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