i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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