I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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