Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize