your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
why is half of my head shaved?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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