I hate all girls vehemently.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
