I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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