I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
