So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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