i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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