wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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