My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
