Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
