This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
