if i can run in heels then i can drive
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
