Soap is not a condiment
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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