the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm both gender and math confused
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