I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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